Link, the Monkey Boy
by ExBlade
Summary: As Link steps through the Portal of Time, something terrible happens and he turns into a monkey. And it only gets worse.
1. Fusion

LINK, THE MONKEY BOY

**LINK, THE MONKEY BOY**

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**BORING DISCLAIMER: I did NOT create Link, Zelda or any other of the characters in this fanfic. Those are property of Nintendo, so there.**

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CHAPTER 1: FUSION

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One.

Two.   
Three.

There they were, the three Spiritual Stones. In his hands. With them, he was able to enter The Sacred Realm. The Kokiri Emerald, the Goron Ruby and finally, the Zora Sapphire. 

The only thing in the world beautiful enough to compare itself to the three stones was the holiest item of them all. The Triforce.

Link decided that now was the time. He put the stones at their spots and the door opened. A sword was stuck into the ground, the legendary Master Sword in all it's beauty.

Link pulled it out of the ground.

_Light. Blue light, surrounding him._

_ _

_Then darkness. For a very long time, nothing but darkness._

_ _

As Link awoke, he was back in the Temple of Time. Everything seemed to be fine. But where was his tunic? His boots? Gloves? _Underwear?_

The shocking truth was that he was buck naked. He looked down at his body and noticed he had started growing hair on other places than just his head.

"Well, I guess it must be puberty," he said to himself. "I've been sleeping for seven years, it's nothing but natural."

"Link," Navi shouted. "Oh my God, Link, look at you!"  
  


"Handsome, don't you think?"  
  


"Not that! Link, you've grown a tail!"  
  
"That's ridic--OH MY GOD! It's true! I am so embarrassed! And... come to think of it, I'm a little bit _too hairy... Wait a minute... this isn't even hair... it's fur! And I feel this sudden urge to eat bananas and climb trees... Lord in Heaven, could it be...? I'm a monkey? Yes, I am! But how did this happen?"  
  
_

"Well, the answer is simple, yet complicated," someone said. Link turned around.

"Did you do this to me?" Link asked.

"Allow me to introduce myself first. My name is Sheik and no, I cannot be held responsible for what has happened to you."

"Then who is going to pay for this? Who's to blame? I want to know the name of the idiot who had the nerves to turn me into a monkey."

"It is funny how you are always convinced that someone must be held in charge for your misfortune. Always someone setting you up, never even given a thought to the fact that it might actually be you, or your bad luck, who is to blame for the situations you get in."

"Why are you talking like such a wise guy?"  
  
"That is because I am a man of great wisdom. Do you have a problem with that?"  
  


"No, not at all. Sorry. But would you mind telling me why this whole thing happened?"  
  


"I will tell you. When you woke up after your 'sleep' in The Sacred Realm, an animal happened to be playing on the exact same spot you would respawn on. The animal was a monkey. The chances for that are slim to none, but somehow you managed to respawn'on' the monkey. This caused a fusion and you are lucky enough you got to keep your brain and not your body. Otherwise, there would be a monkey with your body running around in Hyrule and the Link that we all knew would be gone forever."

"Well, thank God for that. What would you do without me? How would you survive?"  
  


"Another one of your problems, Link. You never seem to realize that people might actually survive without you."

"I left you for seven years, that's not even a decade! And I return to what, a paradise filled with joy and happiness? As if! No, what I see through the window is an inferno. You'd think that this would be the end of the world if I weren't here to save your asses. I came back just in time for revenge on that gruesome Ganondorf."

"Ha! I doubt you will save anything in the shape of a monkey."

"I know, that's why I intend to get my old body back. Now, if you'd get out of my way, I'll step back into the portal and everything will be just fine."

"No, wait! Do not go in th--" Sheik said, but it was much too late as Link already had put the Master Sword back and was teleported back through time.

"Okay, this is the part where I speak loudly to myself," Sheik said, "so that you readers know what is going on. What happened here is interesting, but fatal I'm afraid. If Link is lucky, he will be in the African jungle by now. If he is not..." Sheik made a break to make it more dramatic. "...he won't even be born yet. That all depends on how old the monkey was. Let's just hope it was older than seven years old..."

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**END OF CHAPTER 1**

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	2. Link's Awakening

LINK, THE MONKEY BOY  
  
Chapter 2: Link's Awakening  
  
As Link opened his eyes, he was sitting in something slimy but warm. He could hear some frequently pounding  
noises from somewhere above him. He tried to get up, but couldn't because something was attached to him that  
held him back.  
  
Then suddenly he started moving downwards. He felt kind of disappointed that he would have to leave so soon,   
he found it quite comfortable in there. A hole opened in front of him to reveal grass, lots of grass. As his head came  
out, he turned around to see... a huge gorilla!  
  
Slowly Link began to understand what was going on and when he did, the small amount of hope he still had left  
after the unfortunate body change, immediately drained. It was his birth! He had been inside the belly of a gorilla!  
The animal that was looking at him was his mother, and not just some gorilla in a zoo that he'd normally feed   
with bananas although it was prohibited to feed the animals. And as if it wasn't bad enough as it was, he also had  
to drink milk from the gorilla's breasts, which couldn't even compare to the milk from his real, human mother's   
breasts. Link had never felt this humiliated in his entire life and he probably never would either.  
  
"God, please put me out of this misery," Link begged, but it was for no use as the big gorilla hugged him and started  
cuddling with him.  
  
Then she said, in the gorilla language which Link could now understand: "I think I will name you Zelda."  
  
"What kind of a cruel fanfic is this?" Link yelled in the human language so that the big gorilla wouldn't turn mad at  
him for not sharing her happiness. Before he had time to decide whether to laugh or to cry, he fell asleep in his  
new mother's arms.  
  
As he opened his eyes, he realized they weren't alone. Maybe it was because a huge male gorilla was staring right  
into his eyes, or maybe he was just being paranoid. He decided for the first alternative and tried his best to handle   
it like a man.   
  
"WAAAAAAA!!" he yelled. And you don't have to be a human to understand the universal language of fear.  
  
"What's the matter, son?" his mother asked. "Are you afraid of your father?"  
  
"Father," Link said in the gorilla language. "Of course, everybody has to have a father. Of course. How stupid of me.  
Hello, father."  
  
"Hello there, son," his father said. "What was your name again?"  
  
"L--"  
  
"Zelda is his name," his mother interrupted. "I can't believe you forgot it this time too."  
  
"This time too?" Link thought. "Then I must have a brother or a sister. Or maybe both. Hey, what am I talking about?  
This isn't my family!"  
  
"He's gonna grow up to be a sissy anyway," his father said. "He screams like a girl. And it's your fault."  
  
"Once again you were out drinking with your friends and missed the birth of another one of your children. You're a  
lousy father and I don't know why I'm keeping you."  
  
"Shut up. Anyway, I'm off to do some drin... errr, business. I'll be back..."  
  
"You go ahead. Leave us alone, you big alcoholic."  
  
"Alright, that does it. You can call me a lot of things, but one thing I'm not is an alcoholic! I think I'm just gonna teach  
you a little lesson about calling me names..."  
  
"You're drunk, aren't you? And why am I not surprised?"  
  
"Shut up, bitch," he said. "I am perfectly sober and there's no need for you and your twin sister to tell me that I'm  
not. Now me is gonna kick your..."  
  
"Hey, Ezra!" another gorilla said.  
  
"A gorilla named Ezra," Link thought. "This fanfic is just getting weirder and weirder."  
  
"Are you ready to go?" the unknown gorilla asked. "Happy Hour starts in a minute..."  
  
"Hey, didn't I tell you I was 'not' gonna drink? I'm supposed to..."  
  
"Oh, yeah. Now I remember. You're gonna do some business, right?"  
  
"Right on. A big load of bananas coming in tonight. Gotta deliver them to the other side of the jungle. Will probably  
take all night."  
  
"You're a terrible liar, Ezra."  
  
"You're a terrible wife, Bitch," he said and went out into the jungle.  
  
Link was shocked.  
  
"Are you just gonna tolerate that?"  
  
"What, that he left for the bar? He does it all the time, there's no way I can stop him."  
  
"I meant that you just stood there while he called you 'bitch'."  
  
"I'm sorry, but I don't know what you're talking about. My name is Bitch and I don't see what's so wrong with that."  
  
"Oh," Link said. Then he realized two things. 1: He was a son of a Bitch and 2: In the monkey language, Bitch was  
a name and not another word for whore. "But he's still a lousy husband."  
  
"Yeah, tell me about it. But it's late now, we must go to sleep. Screw you, Zelda."  
  
"Wha--" Link said, but he figured out that 'screw you' was gorillian for 'goodnight'. "Screw you, Bitch," he said and  
fell asleep.  
  
~~END OF CHAPTER 2  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	3. Masterplan

LINK, THE MONKEY BOY  
  
Chapter 3: Masterplan  
  
Back in Hyrule, Zelda was tossing and turning in her bed, unable to get to sleep. What would she do? She felt kind  
of guilty for the fact that she, in the shape of Sheik, had failed to prevent Link from stepping back into the portal, but  
she was more than experienced enough to know that blaming herself wouldn't solve the problem. So, she started  
thinking and got an idea. Well, she still didn't know how to bring Link back, but she had an idea on how to find out.  
By asking the Sages for help, as she always did. It was too late to do it at the moment, however, so she decided to  
do it first thing in the morning.  
  
After a good night's sleep, she got out of bed and immediately teleported herself to The Sacred Realm, where the   
Six Sages awaited her.  
  
"Hail," Rauru greeted her.  
  
"Hail," she responded.  
  
"What brings you here, your highness?"  
  
"Hyrule is in deep shit and I need your help."  
  
"Hyrule is in deep shit? What's the matter?"  
  
"You won't believe this, but when Link was going to step into the Portal of Time, he turned into a monkey. Then he   
tried to travel back thro--"  
  
"I know, I've read the script. And I suppose you want an answer on how to bring Link back. Well, it's not gonna be  
easy. First you need to confirm the age of the monkey he turned into."  
  
"How will I do that?"  
  
"Well, ask the people if anyone lost a pet recently. Someone's bound to have lost a monkey, monkeys don't live  
wild in the nature of Hyrule. And then you ask the owner how old it was."  
  
"Okay. What will I do then?"  
  
"Then you find an animal that is preferrably some years older than the monkey and was caught in the same area  
as the monkey. You ask some of your friends to help you bring the animal to the Temple of Time and place the animal  
on the portal. Since animals can't be sent through time..."  
  
"Hold on, if animals can't be sent through time, then how come Link could do it as a monkey?"  
  
"That's because he was just physically a monkey. Mentally, he was still human. Anyway, when you go back through  
time, you may not do anything else but to step right back into the portal. We can't take the risk of anyone seeing  
you. When you come back to this day, you will hopefully go through the same process as Link did."  
  
"Otherwise I will disappear forever and there will be an animal running around in Hyrule, wearing my body."  
  
"I'm impressed! So, you see, it's a huge risk that we're taking."  
  
"It doesn't matter. Without Link, Hyrule will be lost anyway. So I guess I have to try and get him back."  
  
"If you want to, I can go instead. I'm much stronger than you and..."  
  
"No, it was my fault we got into this mess in the first place. It's only fair if I go."  
  
"Well, if you insist. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah. When you've hopefully turned into the animal, you step back  
into the portal and if the animal lived in the same area as the monkey Link turned into, you will find Link and give  
him this potion, but not all of it. That will turn him back into his normal self."  
  
"Where did you get that potion?"  
  
"It's the same potion we use when he dies in the game and may continue playing."  
  
"In the game? Playing? I sure hope that this is not a game to you!"  
  
"Um, no. I meant fighting, hehe. Anyway, the rest of the potion will be for yourself. When both of you are back into  
your normal selves, you cast this spell to create a portal that will take you back to the Temple of Time. Then you may  
continue to rescue Hyrule."  
  
"Sounds complicated, but I must do it. I have no other choice."  
  
"Farewell and good luck, princess. You're going to need it."  
  
"Farewell."  
  
~~~~  
  
At the Hyrule Castle Market, Zelda climbed a roof to try and catch everyone's attention. No one seemed to notice.  
  
"I am princess Zelda and I wish to speak," she yelled. No reactions. "I am your princess and I demand you to listen!"  
Still no reactions. "Alright, I tried my best not to tell you this, but this is regarding the survival of all of us."  
  
It was stupid. No one seemed to care if it so was about their lives.  
  
"I am princess Zelda and I would like to announce that I'm desperately in love with Malon!"  
  
Anything to pull the attention to herself, but still no one listened.  
  
"Alright, you punks! Put your hands above your heads, I've got a gun!"  
  
No response yet.  
  
"I've decided to commit suicide. I'm a suicidal freak."  
  
STILL no response.  
  
"I'm an alien and I DON'T come in peace."  
  
Hey author, it's getting a bit repetitive here.  
  
"Alright, I didn't want to do this, but I don't see any other option," Zelda said, pulled out her ocarina and tried to play  
'Scar Tissue'. Though she was an... ahem, adequate ocarina player, it was clear that she was no John Frusciante.   
This caused all people at the market to turn their heads to Zelda and ask her kindly to shut the hell up.  
  
"Thank you," she said. "Now that I've got your attention, I would like to know if anyone has recently lost a monkey."  
  
"I did," a man said.   
  
"Would you like to come up here to supply me with information concerning that monkey?"  
  
"No problem, princess," he said and climbed the roof.  
  
"Alright. Exactly how old was that monkey?"  
  
"It was seven years old. In fact, it was its birthday when it ran away."  
  
"How can you remember its birthday? Did you own the mother to, or something?"  
  
"No, he was born in the jungle. He was however caught the day after his birth. I know that, because they told me."  
  
"Do you know exactly where that monkey was caught?"  
  
"No, but if you ask the hunters, they might tell you."  
  
"Who are those hunters and how can I contact them?"  
  
"Their names are Pok Émon and Pik Achu. You can contact them at 555-APES."  
  
"Okay. That's all I need to know. Thank you for your cooperation."  
  
"The pleasure was all mine."  
  
"No, it was mine. Entirely."  
  
"No, I'm pretty sure it was mine."  
  
"It was mine, do you hear me? Mine!"  
  
"Nope. I'm afraid not."  
  
"Damn it! Why is it never my pleasure?" Zelda complained, but it didn't help. She had to act before it was too late, or  
Link would be caught and the chances of finding him would be gone. She ran to the nearest payphone and dialed  
555-APES.  
  
"Animal Hunters, what can we do for you?"  
  
"Hello, this is your princess Zelda speaking. I would like to talk to mr Pok Émon, please."  
  
"Hang on."  
  
Zelda waited.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Is this Pok Émon?"  
  
"Yes, what do you want?"  
  
"Do you remember catching a monkey seven years ago?"  
  
"I can't remember it just like that, I catch monkeys nearly everyday. But we register each monkey we catch, maybe I  
can look it up for you. Seven years ago, was it?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Let me see... Oh, yes. Here we are. '1994, June 18th. Found female gorilla with son. Tranquilized them and kept them  
until someone bought them. Mom was sold to a zoo and son was sold to a man. Captured them in Mbotu, Senegal.'"  
  
"Thank you for the information."  
  
"No problem."  
  
"Goodbye, then."  
  
"Goodb--"  
  
"WAIT!"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Do you have any other animal that you caught in the same area?"  
  
"Well, let me see... Yes, we do, actually."  
  
"I'll take it! Whatever it is, I'll take it!"  
  
"It's an old rhino. Are you sure?"  
  
"How old?"  
  
"It's 15 years old."  
  
"Perfect! I'll take it! How much is it?"  
  
"It's a million rupees."  
  
"What? No!"  
  
"Just kidding. It's one rupee."  
  
"When can I get it? I want it as soon as possible."  
  
"You can have it right now if you want to. It's in..."  
  
So, to make it short, Zelda came, she saw and she bought it.   
  
END OF CHAPTER 3  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  



End file.
